


A Ween To Remember

by Amarillis39, Canttouchthis, PTwritesmore



Series: SPRINT CHANNEL AFTER HOURS [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood and Gore, Broom sex, Crack, Death by choking on ween, F/M, Horror, Infidelity, Oral Sex, Oral Sex Gone Wrong, Smut, Smut Horror Crack, penis - Freeform, ween choking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:47:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29407884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amarillis39/pseuds/Amarillis39, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canttouchthis/pseuds/Canttouchthis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PTwritesmore/pseuds/PTwritesmore
Summary: Welcome to DoF Discord's sprinting channel after hours.Smut horror and crack; all in one. Sort of American Gods AU, where Hermione and Theo have 'little broom accident' and Draco is there to save the day but not really.But with all honesty: we're sorry... it's probably going to happen again.
Relationships: Background Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy/Theodore Nott, Hermione Granger/Theodore Nott
Series: SPRINT CHANNEL AFTER HOURS [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160354
Comments: 11
Kudos: 8





	A Ween To Remember

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThusAtlas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThusAtlas/gifts).



> Please, heed the tags. This is crack smut fic but with a dose of gory and horror imagery so you've been warned.
> 
> There may be continuity errors as it took us about 1h to write on a shared doc so we're sorry.

Hermione loved Draco, she really did.

But Theo made her heart race; she couldn’t help it even if she wanted to.

When he offered to take her on a broom ride, she couldn't say no, in spite of her fear of heights. His heavy gaze was mesmerising, his muscles bulging and stretching his thin button up. It made her mouth water and her knickers positively soaked.

"I've got you," he whispered, his hand brushing a stray hair behind her ear, she shivered as his warm breath grazed her exposed flesh. They sat facing one another on the Nimbus 2000, his arms wrapped deftly around her and her hands grasping his biceps. 

He pushed them off the ground, his gaze stuck firmly on hers, his smile subtle, but knowing.

As they rose higher, all thoughts of her husband flitted to the back of her mind. Up here, there was nothing but her and Theo. Theo and her. Theomione.

This would be their last time, she promised herself. Every time she’d said that before, she’d faltered. His taste was too good, his embrace too addictive; she could swear she’d quit him a thousand times and still come back for just one more kiss. 

His fingers slowly explored the space of her lower back, tracing patterns through the fabric of her dress and sending shivers up her spine.

With the broom between her thighs giving her extra friction, she could feel how soaked her knickers were. She was so wet for him already, so ready and willing. She knew she should feel guilty, her husband was home waiting for her, after all, but she couldn’t help it. Theo’s proximity was sinful and hypnotising; she needed him one last time before they ended things for good. 

Hermione gave her lover a knowing smirk before drawing her hands to his pants, feeling the bulge straining the fabric, teasing it with gentle touches.

He was hard for her, of course. He’d been hard as soon as she’d apparated to the Nott Manor Quidditch pitch, wearing that little red sundress he told her was his favorite. He liked her in dresses, it made pressing his fingers into her cunt all the easier. 

She released his cock from his pants, his thick and sizable member making her gasp. It was not their first time, of course, but she was always so intimidated by his length it almost felt like it was. They’d fucked countless times — in bathrooms and hidden alcoves. But something about the feel of the wind against her, the sheer danger, sent a thrill through her.

She licked her lips in anticipation and she dived precariously down, desperate to taste it again.

“Hermione,” he moaned as her tongue lightly grazed the tip, her hands cautiously moving to his thrumming member. She slowly wrapped her mouth around him, taking him in deeper, enthralled by the way his penis pulsed against her throat.

He threw his head back in pleasure with so much force the broom went off balance for a second and Hermione bit on his shaft a little harder than she planned, making him yelp in pain. It was no easy feat, pleasuring Theo while suspended in the air.

One of his hands wrapped around her arse, the other yanking at her hair, pushing her face towards him. Her eyes fluttered at the feel of his hands so rough on her, 

She felt his penis throb in her mouth; she knew he was close. She loved that she had the ability to turn this man into an incoherent mess as he fucked her mouth with abandon. No longer focused on steering the broom, they were drifting aimlessly in the air.

She felt Theo tense in her skilled mouth; he grabbed her hair with both hands and shoved his cock deep in her throat. 

Neither of them paid attention to the broom as their sudden movements sent it spinning towards the ground. Hermione was utterly focused on Theo’s pleasure, oblivious to the world around them.

She felt his hot juices hit the back of her throat and if she wasn’t so used to the feeling she would have choked. Instead, she welcomed the evidence of her power over this man. She loved how powerful he made her feel.

Just as he came, they crashed into the old oak tree that grew on the property for generations. Hermione’s jaw snapped, her teeth sinking into his softening length with the impact, the penis lodging itself firmly in her throat. Her vision went black and she desperately gasped for breath. She could hear Theo’s cries nearby and she couldn’t help him. She was dying, choking on her lover’s schlong.

In her last moments, as her vision darkened and mind grew light, she wondered if perhaps giving a blowjob mid-broom flight was a mistake.

______

Hermione was late — and Hermione was  _ never _ late. Draco knew she had planned to spend some time at the Nott Estate conducting research as she typically did every day all afternoon, but she should have been home by now.

He was terribly worried. He just loved her so much, his love for her was endless and all consuming. Sure, it had been two years since they’d regularly had intercourse (right around the time she started her endless research at the Nott Estate), but still...what they had transcended matters of the body. They were soulmates.

As he paced up and down the travelling parlor in Malfoy Manor, he decided to take matters into his own hands and go to the Nott Estate. Maybe their research went awry? Maybe one of Nott’s cursed items went berserk? He bit his nails in worry as he threw the powder into the fireplace.

“Hello?” he called out, furrowing his brow in concern at the lack of response. 

The place was eerily quiet as he carefully made his way towards the library. The door was left ajar, the room vacant; there was no evidence of Hermione, or really that she had even been there at all.

Draco realised she must have been conducting research elsewhere — perhaps investigating portraits or other artifacts! Yes! That made sense!

He looked through the window, lost in his thoughts. The vast gardens of the Nott Estate were beautiful this time of the year; he could even see the outline of the small Quidditch pitch that Theo insisted on building upon his father’s death. He wanted the Manor to be as happy a place as he could make it. 

Movement in the corner of the pitch caught his attention. It looked like a red dress and limbs; wasn’t Hermione wearing red today when she left their home? Exceptionally nice clothes as well, if he said so himself.

Realisation hit him so hard his knees buckled; he had to get out there. He had to do something. 

He ran towards the commotion, his mind throwing out silent pleas to any deity he could think of that his wife and best friend were okay. As he got closer, he realized that those hopes were for naught. 

“Hermione!” Draco cried out, seeing her purple bloated face, her eyes bulged. “Oh no, oh no!” He dropped to his knees next to her, choking on his words. He cradled her in his arms, smacking against her back, his vision blurry through the tears that streamed from his eyes. “Wake up! Please my love — you can’t leave me!”

He pressed his forehead against hers, brushing his fingers across her beautiful if discolored and kind of disgusting face. His hand touched the swelling along her throat — of course! She must have choked on something!

He quickly opened her mouth, desperate to save her, but jumped back at the sight of an enormous penis lodged in her throat.

“Is that Nott’s penis?” he questioned aloud, mouth agape. He would know the sight of Theo’s penis anywhere. He choked on it himself enough times to recognise it. “No, no, no, no — that’s not possible.” Draco shook, the horror of the moment overwhelming. 

“Dra-coo,” a weak sound came from a nearby bush.

Draco’ eyes landed on the barely conscious form of his former best friend and lover. The man was reaching out, but Draco could only stare at the pool of blood oozing from where his ween was meant to be. He couldn’t believe his eyes at the sight of Theo’s perfectly round testicles without his glorious shaft sitting between.

“Draaccooo,” Theo moaned once more as he cradled what was left of his manhood. He looked between his oldest friend and his wife, horrified at the choice that lay before him. They were both dying. 

Draco was torn — on the one hand, Theo was his best friend at one point in time, and they had once been all the other had. He recalled with a faint smile the feel of Theo’s cock in his mouth/arse, the nights spent spooning just ‘cause Draco liked to be the small spoon.

But — Hermione. Draco looked back down at his not-quite dead wife, the softened penis spilling out of her gaping mouth.

“I’m going to help you,” Draco seethed, vitriol and spit oozing from his penis-free mouth, leaving Hermione to her last breaths. “But only so you will have to live the rest of your life cockless, you fucking handsome twat. I should hate you but I can’t...” he waved his wand in a complicated motion, sealing the tarnished skin of Theo’s crotch.

“Draacccooo,” Theo pleaded, eyes so sad, and beautiful, like his soul was before he tainted it by sticking his dick into his wife’s throat.

“It’s okay, baby,” Draco insisted. “I have enough penis for both of us, now it’s your turn to choke on it!”

And they embraced while Hermione lay dead at their feet.

The End.


End file.
